Opening shot: down a lit hallway (ala "Memento Mori") into a living room, girl sitting on a couch watching The X-Files

  -It's Sunday night; I am curled up in my room -

Shot of another girl watching

  -The TV light fills my heart like a balloon -

Shot of another girl walking down a hallway, looking up wistfully -

  -I hold it in as best I can; -

Shot of another girl walking through a living room

  -I know I'm just another fan, -

Split shot of all of the above people -

  -But I can't help feeling I could love this secret agent man. -

Shot of elderly woman on the street

  -And I can't wait any more for -

Shot of a woman standing on a corner (er, kinda looks like a woman who would stand on a street corner, if you get my drift)

  -Him to discover me, -

Three girls on an escalator

  -I got it bad for -

Shot of a guy in leathers, leather cap, sunnies, moustache (kinda looks like, er, one of those who would frequent the Blue Oyster Bar, for anyone who saw the "Police Academy" movies <g>)

  -David Duchovny -

Two guys sword-fighting at Medieval Times

  -David Duchovny, why won't you love me, -

A motorcycle cop, then shot of David Duchovny diving into a pool, from underwater (from "Playing God")

  -why won't you love me, why won't you love me? -

Two guys dressed as women. One playing with Ken and Barbie versions of Mulder and Scully, the other singing to him/her. (Note: he/she makes Ken!Mulder knock Scully out <g>)

  -My friends all tell me, "Girl you know it's just a show," -

Shot of DD, close up of his eyes (from the X-Files episode, "The Red And The Black"), and also from "Twin Peaks" as Denise

  -but deep within his eyes -

Guy/girl with Ken/Mulder held to his/her chest

  -I see me wrapped up like a bow, -

Shot from "The Red And The Black", the group on the bridge watching the lights overhead

  -Watching the sky for a sign, -

Shot of Mulder's badge from the opening sequence

  -the FBI is on my mind, -

Shot of an elderly woman in a chair (not miming the song) from The X-Files

  -I'm waiting for the day -

Shot of a large group of teenaged girls sitting together, pointing up to the sky

  -when my lucky stars align -

Shot of Mulder, as he appeared to Scully in the "I've come back to be with you" sequence from The X-Files episode "Anasazi", then of him getting out of the pool in his red speedo, with Nick Lea as Krycek nearby

  -In the form of -

Guy and girl outside a movie theatre, DD's name up in lights

  -David Duchovny, floating above me, -

Shot from The X-Files episode "The Blessing Way", at the mine when Mulder sees the ship fly overhead

  -in the alien light of the spaceship of love, oh, -

Girl on bed, looking up at the ceiling, a poster of Duchovny on it ("Playing God" poster)

  -David Duchovny, hovering above me, -

Shot of Mulder from the episode "Humbug", looking very GQ (end of episode, foot on the step of the trailer, hands on hips)

  -American Heathcliff, -

Shots from "Red Shoe Diaries" (maybe..not sure, but naked chest!) and "The Rapture"

  -brooding and comely, -

Shot of Frank Spotnitz and John Shiban,

  -David Duchovny -

then Vince Giligan, smiling, appears between and from behind/below them

  -why won't you love me, -

Shot of William B. Davis, in character as The Cigarette Smoking Man - smoking -

  -why won't you love me, -

Shot of the crew looking up to an overhead camera yelling

  -why won't you love me? -

Shot of Rob Bowman and Kim Manners holding hands and skipping towards the camera

  -So smooth and so smart, he's abducted my heart, -

Anthony Edwards walking along, talking into a cell phone

  -and I'm falling apart -

Shot of Mulder from The X-Files Movie when he enters the bee dome with Scully (Sorry, can't make out the words here. I think they are: )

  -Cuz his cool is disclosed -

Mitch Pileggi, singing very sexily, lifting his eyebrows

  -From his ten little toes -

Shot of Mulder, close up and undressing, from the episode "Dreamland"

  -right up to his -

Bruce Harwood in the Lone Gunmen's Lair

  -jagged-

Dean Haglund

  -Jewish -

Tom Braidwood

  -nose -

Nic Lea air-drumming before somebody tackles him

  -From those eyes I can't leave. -

Chris Owens, singing into a phone held the wrong way up

  -And you can say I'm naive, -

Gillian Anderson at the door of her trailer, pulling it closed as her line finishes

  -But he told me to belieeeeeeeve...-

Shots of CC at his laptop, doing the ooo's and waggling his butt

  -Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo
Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo
Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo -

Shot of Duchovny in the 'headboard' scene from "Kalifornia"

  -Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo -

Girl packing a bag

  -My bags are packed, -

Another girl packing a framed pic of Duchovny into a bag

  -I am ready for my flight, -

Another girl with a bag over her shoulder, walking across a room

  -Gonna put an end to -

Another girl sitting staring out a window

  -my daydream days and sleepless nights, -

Janeane Garafalo cigarette hanging loosely out of her mouth

  -Sitting like a mindless clone, -

Charles Nelson Reilly in a phone booth!

  -wishing he would tap my phone, -

Two Baywatch girls

  -Just to hear the breath of -

Janeane Garafalo with big screen pic of Duchovny in the background

  -the man, the myth, the monotone... -

Jerry O'Connell riding a push bike

  -And I would say-

Alex Trebek, a bank of TV screens behind him with DD's name on each one.

  -David Duchovny, -

Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin, and Eddie the dog from "Frasier"

  -why won't you love me, -

Erik Estrada on a motorbike in leather jacket

  -why won't you love me, -

Hector Elizondo in character from "Chicago Hope" with a sign that says "ER sucks"

  -why won't you love me? -

Kevin Nealon

  -David Duchovny,-

Calista Flockhart holding a stuffed animal

  -why won't you love me, -

Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell

  -why won't you love me, -

Melissa Etheridge, with guitar

  -why won't you love me? -

Jenna Elfman, sitting on a bed

  -David Duchovny, I want you to love me, -

Gary Shandling in a spa (topless), stands up and holds his arms out

  -to kiss and to hug me, -

Dennis Franz, in character for NYPD Blue

  -debrief and debug me, -

Brad Pitt, leaning against a wall

  -David Duchovny, I know you could love me, -

David Spade

  -I'm sweet and I'm cuddly, -

Sarah Michelle Gellar, wielding a knife "psycho" style

  -I'm gonna kill Scully! -

George Clooney in blond wig

  -David Duchovny, -

Pamela Anderson and some other actress

  -why won't you love me, -

The members of KISS, in costume

  -why won't you love me, -

Three women (don't know if they are tv-film-music connected) crawling on a floor towards the camera

  -why won't you love meeeeeee? -

Shot of Duchovny relaxing in a recliner chair, eyes closed, smile on his face, apparently dreaming

  -Yeah....... -

THEN....

Mark (Assistant Director on XF) appears through the trailer, waking him up saying...

  -"Yo! Duchovny! What, are you deaf? You're wanted on set! NOW!"

Duchovny gets up, sleepily, walks out of the trailer, Mark following and shaking his head, then looks back at the camera. Still shot on his goofy, smiling face as Bree Sharp sings...

  -"I'll be waiting..." -

AND THEN:

Jerry Springer, sitting on a chair, about to deliver one of his deep and meaningful monologues.

  -"From birth, all we ever truly want is for people to love us. Whether we're black or white, business men or crack-whores, or satanic lesbians or self-mutilating homophobes, Barbra Streisand or Gary Coleman, it's what makes the world go 'round. So if you're out there David Duchovny....why won't you love me? Why?"-

THE END

Then credits and thanks from the producers to quite a few famous people, and there are quite a few outtakes from the video - Rosie and Whoopi talking about why David won't love them, plus KISS, a few people from the street scenes and Gillian hitting the camera guy with her trailer door.